Almost Blue
by Between The Clouds
Summary: Jenny and Jamie watch the world around them as they grow up. They watch the "what could have beens" and the "what could still be" because nobody else does. WARNING: Major implications of Brooke/Lucas and Peyton/Jake, even though they are not together.


Almost Blue

She was four and he was two when they first laid eyes on each other. He was walking through the department store with his dad, and she was wandering aimlessly around the aisles. His dad watched her for a few moments before approaching her and squatting down to her level. "Where are your parents, sweetie?" The man asked. The boy watched the girl curiously. She wore a pink and yellow sundress and her blonde hair was in two braids with a yellow ribbon tied at the bottom of each one. Her big blue eyes stared into his big blue eyes for an instant. Then she ran off.

He and his father began to follow her, but then they heard a man's voice. It started out stern but became gentle. "Jenny! Where did you run off to? I told you to stay with me! We're in a strange place. It's not back home. Anything could happen. Come on." If the boy's father really thought about it, he would recognize the other man's voice. He didn't.

Xoxo

She was six and he was four when they saw each other again. She sat down in the sandbox next to him and held out her hand. "Hi! My name is Jenny. I've never been here before (she _has_). We're just visiting. What's your name?"

He looked doubtfully at her before answering. "I'm Jamie. Where are you from?"

She began making sand houses with her hands, smiling to herself. "Savannah. My mom and dad were born here before moving away. My dad takes me here sometimes to visit my grandpa and grandma, but my mom hates it here. My dad's here with me, and my mom's home." Again, she smiled to herself. She always kept a family picture in her pocket. Just the three of them. She liked this picture best because it looked as if her mom and dad were in love. They looked like a real family. Proudly, she pulled the picture out of her pocket and showed him. "See? Isn't my mom pretty?"

Frowning slightly, he took in the picture. "My mom's prettier." Then he pointed to a woman sitting next to a man on a bench a few feet away. She had large brown eyes and short dark hair. Her laugh lit up the whole park. The man beside her tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and they both shared a smile. He had short dark hair and twinkling blue eyes. They were the perfect match.

Suddenly, she didn't feel so proud of her fractured family photo. He had a _real_ family. His parents loved each other and loved him more. Her parents didn't pretend to love her. She was sure they did. Just… Sometimes she thought it would be easier not to.

"She's ugly." She stood up suddenly, kicking sand in his face. "I'm going home." Stomping away, she hoped with all her heart she would never have to see him again. She didn't even really know why.

Xoxo

She was nine and he was seven when she first comforted him. On another trip to her grandparents in Tree Hill, her dad took her to the park again. Not even ten minutes after they arrived, a man came jogging up to them.

"Jake!" he called. "Wait up!" Once he reached her and her dad, her dad introduced her to the strange man. He said they used to be on the same basketball team in high school. She didn't really care, but she didn't want to be rude. Standing there while her dad and the other man talked about old times, she couldn't help but sigh and play with her shirt. Finally, her dad noticed her boredom and told her she could go play. Without a second glance at either man, the little girl ran off towards the swings.

Before she could sit on a swing, she saw a young boy sitting on a bench nearby. He looked vaguely familiar, but she wasn't sure when or if they met before. He was a few years younger than her by the looks of it, not that she could really tell. He looked completely miserable. She wondered why he was all alone, but then she noticed a woman standing a little way away, keeping an eye on him. Again feeling that she had seen this woman before, she assumed that was the boy's mom. She thought it over in her head, then decided to at least ask him what was wrong.

"Are you okay?" she asked, sitting beside him on the bench.

He looked dejectedly at the happy kids playing in front if him. "I'm waiting for somebody," he told her. "But I've been waiting a really long time, and I don't think she's coming. She promised she would."

She smiled a little at him. "I'm sure she must have had a really important thing to do. She couldn't have stood you up on purpose." She paused. "Is she your girlfriend?"

"No!" He whipped his head around to face her. "That's dumb. She's just my friend."

The girl laughed. "If you say so," she responded airily. "Hey, do you want to go play on the swings?"

He sighed. "No, I'm going to wait a bit more. Maybe we can play a little later."

Without even fully realizing it, she took his hand and held it. "Okay. I'll wait with you."

Xoxo

She was twelve and he was ten when her father and she moved back to Tree Hill. They moved into a nice house two streets away from him. Even though she was two years older than him, they still became good friends. He would show up at her house with a basketball and they played at the Rivercourt for hours a day. She would take him to a large tree in the park and read to him. He knew how to read and she knew he knew, but she read to him anyways. Together, they visited his great uncle Keith and his grandpa Dan's graves. He knew she missed her mother because they could no longer see each other every day, so he watched silently as she wrote long letters to her. He introduced her to all the adults, Lydia, Lily, Davis, Jude, and the other children. She had trouble making friends with them, because _she never was that girl_, but she eventually got to know the other children.

Around the same time, his uncle and aunt moved back too. He was excited to see them on an almost daily basis like he used too. He showed her pictures and told her stories about his awesome Uncle Lucas and snarky but lovable Aunt Peyton. She didn't tell him about the pictures and stories her father (and her mother) shared with her about the blondes since she was little.

And just like that, she had two women to look up to: Brooke (_People who are meant to be together always find their way in the end_) and Peyton (_People always leave, but sometimes they come back_). She got Peyton to teach her how to draw better and she followed Brooke around her store, trying to imitate the older woman's walk. Once, when she was rifling through old family photos, she came across a picture of when she was a baby. Brooke and Peyton were on either side of her. Everybody looked so happy it was impossible not to smile just looking at them. She immediately put the photo on her bedroom wall.

Xoxo

She was thirteen and he was eleven when they began to notice things. The way his aunt's eyes sparkled around her dad. The way her dad smiled a lot more around his aunt. The way his godparents stared at each other when they thought nobody was looking. The way her mother's smiles rarely reached her eyes. The way the kids at school treated her because of her parents. The way the kids at school treated him because of his grandpa.

They began to realize other things, too. How, at her young age, her feelings for him became less than platonic (all her friends would laugh at her—he's too _young_). How he always picked a dandelion for her every day they were in season and told her she looked beautiful with her hair down (his friends would tease him—she's way out of his league).

"I still think Luke's second book should have been called 'A Murder of Crows'," she rambled on to him as they walked to his house. "'Cause ravens are an unkindness and crows are a murder."

He shook his head and grinned. "No. That just sounds stupid. 'An Unkindness of Ravens' has a ring to it. 'A Murder of Crows' doesn't have the same feeling to it. And besides, you only chose crows because you don't know any other names for groups of birds."

She leaned in close to his face and smirked. "Oh yeah? What's the name for a group of parrots?" she demanded.

"I don't know," he answered, sighing. "A pirate convention?"

"Pandemonium." She grinned and, leaning in even closer, kissed him. Pulling away, she giggled and ran off, forgetting that they were supposed to hang out at his house.

He just stared after her in shock. Then he broke out in a huge smile. Their lives just got a lot more complicated.

Xoxo

She was fourteen when she realized that Brooke Davis (Baker) still loved Lucas Scott. It was on a humid summer evening and she was working in Brooke's store, piling boxes in the storage closet. When she was about halfway done, she decided to take a short break and strolled to the front of the store. She stopped abruptly when she heard voices just outside the front door. Brooke and Lucas. Creeping to the window, the young girl peered out and watched the conversation.

The brunette's face had a youthfulness to it that she had only witnessed rarely. Only around the broody blonde. Her hazel eyes sparkled as she looked up at Lucas, and her mouth broke into a wide smile. Lucas stuffed his hands into his pockets and leaned against the doorframe as if he were seventeen again. The teenager watching them couldn't see Lucas' face, but she could see Brooke's. And she was sure she had never in her life seen Brooke stare at her husband Julian like she was staring at the man in front of her. The girl continued to spy on the two adults, confused at first. Then, she just _knew_.

Brooke was in love with Lucas. But she was also in love with her husband, and it was all so painfully heartbreaking that a fourteen-year-old couldn't possibly understand all of it.

She knew what people would say if she told them. _"Don't be silly, honey, they were only high school lovers a long time ago. High school relationships hardly ever last." "Are you blind? Both of them are happily married to other people and have kids. That ship sailed eons ago." "They're just friends. They have been for years. Don't try to make it something it's not, okay?" _But she knew what she saw. She had seen that look before when her mom stared at her dad, and when her dad and Peyton were in the same room together, and when Nathan and Haley looked at each other.

But love never seemed to be enough. So she did the only thing she could. She turned away and pretended it never happened.

Xoxo

He was thirteen when he realized that Lucas Scott still loved Brooke Davis (Baker). It was on a cold winter afternoon and he and Lydia were visiting his Uncle Lucas' and Aunt Peyton's. Peyton was at work, so Lucas was watching the kids by himself. It snowed a lot last night in a storm, so for once there was enough snow on the ground to play in. Him, Lucas, Lydia, and Sawyer were outside building snowmen and snow forts and having snowball fights. About an hour and a half in, Lucas said he was tired and he was going back inside. He didn't really acknowledge his uncle's absence until about an hour later, when he was cold and hungry and Sawyer and Lydia kept whining about going back inside. The three of them trudged in the house, leaving trails of snow on the floor.

"Uncle Lucas!" He called. There was no answer. "Uncle Lucas!" he called again.

"I'm in here!" Lucas called from the main bedroom. He went to find his uncle, still in his coat, hat, and mittens. Sawyer sat in the middle of the kitchen and pulled her boots off, and Lydia imitated her.

He got in the doorway to the main bedroom. "What are you doing? I didn't want to hang out with babies all day. I thought we could have a guy talk. You know, we should have hot chocolate—" He stopped when he saw what Lucas was doing.

Lucas was sitting on his bed, letters strewn all over the bed. He was in the middle of reading one before he looked up at his nephew. But he saw the small smile on his uncle's face before he looked up. Then, he just _knew_.

Lucas was in love with Brooke. But he was also in love with his wife, and it was all so embarrassingly pathetic that a thirteen-year-old could understand it all too well.

His blue eyes slowly turned to the closet. Clothes, sports equipment, jewelry, and boxes were in a mess on the floor in front of the closet. It was an accident. Lucas hadn't meant to read the letters. But he read them just the same.

He knew what people would say if he told them. _"Those letters are for nostalgic value. It's just a reminder of who he was, not who he is now." "Of course they were an important part of each other's lives and helped shape their future selves, but that's it. They've moved on." "Yes, you never really forget your first love, but your first love is rarely the person you're meant to spend the rest of your life with. Let it go." _But he knew what he saw. He saw that smile before when his parents were around each other, and when Jake and Peyton hung out together, and when his aunt Quinn and his uncle Clay exchanged looks.

But love never seemed to be enough. So he did the only thing he could. He mentioned hot chocolate again and led his uncle to the kitchen where Sawyer and Lydia were waiting.

Xoxo

She was sixteen and he was fourteen when they first started dating. They just fit together. Everybody else wondered what took them so long, but they thought the timing was perfect. She never opened up to anybody the way she opened up to him, and he never thought the other girls were half as interesting as her anyway. She taught him how to jump, and he showed her that he would never give her a reason to.

They were walking to school one day when they came across a raven on the sidewalk in front of them. It didn't move even as they walked closer. A huge smile lit up his face as he took in the raven's features. She looked at the raven for a few moments, then sighed impatiently and tapped her foot. He ignored her and stood transfixed in front of the bird.

He stared at the raven in awe. "He's so beautiful," he breathed. "Look, he looks almost blue in the sun."

She stared at it too, but didn't look impressed. "But he's not blue. He's black."

He sighed. That was the difference between them. He looked for the blues; she only saw the black.

"It's okay," he whispered. "I'm an optimist and you're a realist. But I'll show you that life can be beautiful." Then he kissed her, and, for a split second, she saw the blue.

Another time, they were sitting on the dock together, watching the sun set. Oranges, yellows, purples, blues. It was all a big mess. A big, beautiful mess. "I don't believe in meant to be or soul mates or any of that crap. You can fall in love with lots of people throughout your life. Why is one more special than the other?" She swung her legs up, kicking the water as she did so.

"But if you stay together with somebody forever, doesn't that prove—"

"It doesn't prove anything," she cut in darkly. "If you make it your whole life with another person, it's not fate. You just got lucky. Getting a person to trust you and stay with you forever and giving the same back is the hardest thing in the world. If you fail, it doesn't mean you love them any less or that somebody else is a better fit. I don't believe anybody is meant to stay together."

"Do you believe in anything?"

She paused. "I believe in you."

Really, she _wanted_ to believe in Brooke's words, but she didn't know if she would ever be able to. She had a tiny bit of hope that maybe it was true. He was that hope. Brooke made her want to believe, but he made her almost believe it. Almost.

Xoxo

She was seventeen and he was fifteen when her mom asked her to live with her for a year. She _did_ miss her mom, even though she still saw her at least twice a month. The world knew what a horrible mother Nikki was when she was a baby, but not once in the last fifteen and a half years did the woman give her a reason not to believe in her devotion. The wild parties and drinking stopped for a few years, but as her little girl grew older, she started going to parties again occasionally as long as Jake was taking care of their daughter that night. Nikki was able to provide a steady income and a stable home, eventually allowing for joint custody.

There were many things Nikki still couldn't get right after all these years. Her romantic life was a roller coaster (none of the men ever got to meet her daughter); partly because of her volatile personality and partly because she screwed up completely with the only man she ever really loved. She was never happy in one job for too long, but was now responsible enough to make sure they were going to be okay financially until she could find another job. But she made it a priority to get it right with her baby. Nikki was more carefree than most moms and was not opposed to telling her daughter wild stories about her youth. She told the girl the reason she turned her life around was because of her. She told the girl she held all her hopes and dreams.

She wasn't old enough to remember the way things used to be. All she had ever known was a mom who loved her and would do anything to protect her. So, it was decided that she would live with her mom for a year and visit her dad at least twice a month.

It really wasn't that far from Tree Hill, North Carolina to Savannah, Georgia. It was only about 252 miles, give or take a few. But he was used to seeing her almost every day. He didn't know if their relationship could survive the time and distance. This time, an "I love you" wasn't going to cut it.

Two days before she left, as he was helping her pack her things in her bedroom, she said it. "I think… maybe we should start meeting new people. It would just be too hard to be with you without _being_ with you. It's just… I'm going to miss you. You're all I can think about. Even when I'm not thinking about you, you're still there. And I _know_ you feel the same way about me, Jamie. So, it's not really fair for either of us if we don't try and be happy apart from each other. I don't want to test us and find out we weren't strong enough." She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest, breathing in his scent. In a tear-filled voice, she continued. "One day, you're going to find somebody who loves you as much as I do."

He knew this was going to happen. The life they were living was unsustainable. But at the same time, he really didn't see it coming. It hit him like a ton of bricks that he was going to lose her. Knowing what he had to do, the teenage boy tightened his grip on the girl and rested his chin on her head. His uncle's advice floated through his mind as he held her. "I think you're right. We won't work right now, but who's to say that we won't still have the same feelings for each other that we have now? When you come back this time next year, I'll be here. We can be better than we used to be. I know a year is a long time, but I believe in us. If soul mates do exist, you're mine. Nobody else makes me feel the way you do. I can't imagine not loving you forever. So we'll try it with other people, but I want you to know now that nobody could possibly compare to you, Jenny. I love you. And I'm not going anywhere."

At this, she looked up at him, her beautiful eyes filled with anguish. "I love you, too. So, so much." The two stood in the middle of her bedroom, holding onto each other as if they were going to die if they let go.

Xoxo

She was eighteen and he was sixteen when she returned to Tree Hill. A week earlier, they had arranged to meet on the Rivercourt at two o'clock in the afternoon. At quarter to two, she approached the bench will a shy smile on her face. Her hair had grown a bit longer in the year she had been gone. She started wearing a little more make-up, but she would still rather not go through the effort on most days. This particular day was important, though, so she was well groomed. She wore a green halter top with a leather jacket and jeans, with her hair fanning down. Her mom joked she was beginning to look like a carbon copy of her, but her eyes were still foolish like her dad's (it wasn't really a joke).

When she zeroed in on the Rivercourt, she saw him. But he wasn't alone, and he wasn't waiting. His arms were wrapped tightly around another girl. He didn't even notice anybody else was around. Immediately, her smile disappeared. Not giving him a chance to explain, she retreated back to her car.

She felt that their bond was broken after spending so much time apart, and she was scared of what would happen if they failed. If she was no longer loved. She knew she still loved him, but what if it was only the memory of him that she loved? So when he called her later that night and asked why she didn't show up, she told him she didn't have those feelings for him anymore.

It was better that way.

Because he's allowed to be with another girl. Because she believed in his love less and less as his calls and letters became farther in between. Because she really shouldn't care anymore. Because he is probably the only boy she will ever let in completely, and she never wants to hear him say he doesn't love her anymore. It's just too hard.

He didn't fight for her when she told him she was over him. He didn't get to tell her that the hug he didn't know she saw was perfectly innocent and he was only comforting a friend. When she failed to meet him at the Rivercourt, he was angry. When she blew him off over the phone, the boy became consumed with rage. If she couldn't even give him five minutes of her time, he shouldn't waste any of his on her. If she was going to give up on him like he was never anything to her, that was her problem. She was the one to walk away, not him.

Because he _did_ miss her even when he didn't call or write. Because there were so many times he picked up the phone to call her and put it down again after images of her with another guy flew through his head. Because he was afraid she wouldn't love him anymore, but he knew his love for her would never die. Because he didn't see how it was possible to be this hurt and pissed off.

She wanted him and he wanted her. In another world, this would be enough. But in this world, hearts were fragile. Trust was hard to gain and even harder to keep. In this word, they were over.

It was over.

Xoxo

"You were wrong."

Lucas looked up and saw his nephew staring back at him, an unreadable expression on his handsome face. "Wrong about what?"

"Everything." He let out an angry sigh and shook his head. "You said if I just made an amazing speech about how much I love her, she'd stay with me. We would be happy. Damn it! You're a writer! You're supposed to know this stuff! She left."

"I'm sorry." Pain reflected in Lucas' blue eyes.

He just set his jaw and turned his face away. "Did it ever work for you?"

The romantic speeches? The "I love yous"? The promises of forever? Lucas gave his nephew a broken smile. "Nah."

Xoxo

"You lied."

Brooke glanced at the teenage girl from the corner of her eye as she stood at the entrance of her store just before closing time. The older woman saw the rage on the girl's pretty face, but was unsure where the rage was directed. "What did I lie about?"

"What _didn't_ you lie about?" She bit back bitterly. "The part where you could never be happier than you are right now? The part where everything worked out for the best? The part where you tuck your little boys in at night and read them stories about the prince and the princess who lived happily ever after?" She choked on a sob as she shouted the last sentence. "_People who are meant to be together always find their way in the end_. But that's the biggest lie of all!" She marched closer to Brooke, unable to stop the angry tears from cascading down her cheeks. "And the worst part is, you made me believe! You gave me this hope, and then just like that, it was gone! He's gone! Why?" Letting out a painful scream, she put her hands over her face.

Brooke smiled sadly and pulled the girl into a hug. "Come here, J Jagielski," she whispered, stroking her hair.

After a few minutes, a muffled question was asked. "Do you really believe it?"

That people who are meant to be together always find their way in the end? Brooke looked up at the ceiling as her reply came in a cracked and raspy voice. "Not really."

The End.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Why could I not have discovered Chad Michael Murray sooner? That boy is damn fine! Okay, so I started watching One Tree Hill a few weeks before the season finale. Before I started watching the show properly, I watched YouTube clips. Brooke and Julian were the first couple I saw together, and I thought they were pretty good together. I didn't "ship" them, but I liked them. Then I watched the show properly from episode one, and I fell in love with Brooke and Lucas. Also, I personally think Peyton was a lot happier when she was with Jake as opposed to Lucas. As an audience member, I feel like I'm settling because Brooke ends up with Julian and Lucas ends up with Peyton. At least Nathan and Haley stayed together. But in my mind everything is different, so it's okay!

I thought writing the future as I see it through Jenny and Jamie's eyes would be kind of cool. I know a lot of people see older Jenny as sweet and cute, but I think she would be more guarded. I refer to Jenny and Jamie as "him" and "her" throughout this story, unless somebody says their names. This can get a little confusing, since there are other hims and hers, but I don't think it's too bad. Okay, enough!

**Disclaimer:** If I owned One Tree Hill, things would have ended differently. But that's what I say about almost everything, so...


End file.
